In many parts of the world, eye contact is regarded as being genuine and important when communicating with another. We feel seen, accepted and respected. Yet we don’t seem to do it as well or as often as we could.
Do we allow technological gadgets and multitasking to distract us? Or are we scared of being seen in the moment?
Even when it comes to prolonged eye contact, society often deems it socially unacceptable.
What’s most interesting, though, is how the simple and ancient practice of eye gazing can be profoundly healing.
A form of meditation, it can take you to the centre of yourself, and ultimately a different dimension. That’s because eye gazing is like the entrance to the soul. It helps create deeper and more meaningful connections.
Despite having roots in esoteric practices, such as Buddhist and Hindu Tantra, and Sufism, eye gazing is something that has recently become a global movement.
In fact, it’s even been used as the basis for SBS’s latest six-part documentary series, Look Me in the Eye. In it, estranged people come together to sit in silence for five minutes.
Although there’s no guarantee what the outcome will be, it’s a series filled with raw emotion. After the five minutes, participants can choose to talk and/or attempt reconciliation. Alternatively, they can go their separate ways.
Having watched the first few episodes, as well as experience eye gazing first-hand, it’s incredibly powerful. It reminds us of our humanness.
What do you see when you maintain unbroken eye contact with someone?
I first experienced eye gazing about five years ago. I was at a two-day seminar focusing on improving humanity. Paired off, we stood facing a complete stranger in dim lighting. For five minutes, we gazed into each other’s eyes.
Aside from the initial fluttering of eyelids, within no time, I started seeing into the depths of my female partner.
First, I saw her as she was: warm and gently smiling but with a sense of curiosity. Then, as I looked beyond the external, she became an elder from the East, then a young male, followed by a powerful dragon.
As we continued, her aura emanated luminous light.
By the end, tears were streaming down her face. I felt relief.
While it might sound a bit out-there to some, she told me that through my eyes I had apologised to her for something that I felt guilty about. She said she forgave me and that all was okay.
Had we met in a past life? Or did we recognise and accept each other for who we are now? Maybe it was both.
Although we had been strangers before eye gazing, it was a remarkably transformative process that helped us to heal and feel connected.
I’ve since done eye gazing through various mediums, such as Tantric yoga, Transfiguration Circles and with friends. I’ve even done it with some colleagues who I am collaborating with. It helps create more flow with intention and communication. It gets us on the same page, literally.
Although I’ve seen an assortment of things when I eye gaze, depending on the person, some can react in different ways. This can include anything from being relaxed and heavy-eyed, to seeing mythical creatures and raised eyebrows — even laughing.
At Transfiguration Circles, which involve taking turns eye gazing with a number of different people, this is especially true. Mostly, I feel uplifted and blissful, like walking on air.
A couple of times, though, I have felt angry or sad within about 24 hours of the event. Different people and energies can mirror different aspects of yourself. It’s all part of releasing what may have been dormant.
Most of all, eye gazing helps me face myself so I become more aligned.
The benefits of eye gazing
Aside from my personal experience, the benefits of eye gazing are becoming well-documented. Even science is showing it to be therapeutic.
1. While it’s confronting, eye gazing helps boost our confidence, improves self-esteem and develops self-awareness.
2. It’s app- and tech-free, which means you can eye gaze almost anywhere. For example, outside in nature, or in a room with candles and soulful music. You can even do it solo with a mirror.
3. It’s an opportunity to become present and experience the true essence of another.
4. We face ourselves and our fears head-on.
5. By transcending the physical form, it helps us break down barriers and let go of judgements about ourselves and others. We look at the world with a different perspective, often entering an entirely different realm.
6. Although non-verbal, it can improve communication and compassion.
7. It can deepen intimacy. Having attended and assisted at some Tantric workshops, it’s amazing how many couples have never taken the time to simply look at and truly appreciate one another. When they do, it’s incredible. They have a deeper love for one another.
Tips to start eye gazing
1. When eye gazing with a partner, it’s best to be seated so you’re more comfortable. This could be on chairs or sitting on cushions or bolsters.
2. Before commencing, close your eyes for at least a couple of minutes, breathing deeply to centre yourself and connect within.
3. With eyes closed, set an intention, internally or verbally. For example, maybe you want to feel more connection to your higher self or to others, or be seen for who you are. Release your intention without expectation or attachment. With that in mind, ideally it’s great to have a shared intention when eye gazing with a partner.
4. When you open your eyes, the idea is to gaze into the left eye. It’s regarded as the feminine essence of ourselves, hence the most receptive.
5. One minute is a great starting point for eye gazing, although you’ll probably find it passes quickly. Ultimately, the idea is to build up to at least five minutes. There’s no set time limit, although I have known of people to gaze with the same person for about 45 minutes!
6. Head to a Transfiguration Circle, where depending on the size of the group, you could eye gaze with up 20 different people. These are respectful and beautifully supportive spaces to learn more about the process with likeminded people. It only deepens your experience.
7. Attend a free public eye gazing event run by the Human Connection Movement. In the past couple of years, they have been holding these throughout Australia. They also have them in India, the US and New Zealand.
We forget how much we actually communicate with our eyes. Sometimes the simplest things, like eye gazing, are the most profound.
How does eye gazing make you feel?
By Kristin Lee
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