Aging gracefully is something many of us vow to do. But when it comes to our hair going grey, it can either be an emotional, confusing and confronting process or a wholehearted acceptance of who we have become. It’s an immensely personal choice and experience. It can also happen at any stage of life.
Having officially made the transition from mid-to-late 40s, I’m fortunate to have a head of thick, mostly naturally dark, wavy hair. It’s only in the last 12 months or so that a grey halo, or technically speaking white straggly hairs, has started to appear at the front (where greys usually appear) and where my hair is parted. Even a few teeny-tiny baby curls have started to turn white.
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see a softening and a coming of wisdom. I look forward to being witness to this transition unfolding with a sense of curiosity, rather than dread. Will I have a funky Cruella de Vil streak, or will it be a delicious graduation to salt and pepper? Or, will it be more like American actress Anne Bancroft’s transition from adulthood to elderhood? I loved how her hair greyed at the front, not the back, of her head.
But there are other times, especially under the harshness of fluorescent light or in semi-dark, shadow-filled spaces, when I catch a glimpse of my grey halo and it’s totally unflattering. It’s as if the top half of my head has had the life drained out of it. Sometimes it has a steely look, which Australian comedian Wil Anderson, who I’m pleased to see is embracing his head of grey hairs, can probably resonate with. I smiled when he recently put on his Instagram account that going grey is the same colour as a “corrugated iron roof”.
In those moments when I’m not feeling great about my steel-coloured hairs, I stop, take a few deep breaths and remind myself, ‘I’m okay. I’m doing this on my terms. I’m greying gracefully’.
And it’s when I think (and feel) like this and go out into the world, I encounter an increasing number of women and men who look absolutely incredible with their grey hair. Are these synchronicities providing me with a glimpse of how I can evolve? If they are, I’m grateful.
The thing is, going grey gracefully is so much more than a change of hair colour. I see it as another part of me acknowledging where I’m at in life. I’m no longer resisting, putting pressure on or fighting myself.
Despite my natural and holistic approach, it took me until my 40s to truly value and feel love for myself.
And if I’m going to honour my values of living a natural and holistic life, I want to be authentic and consider the whole picture. Otherwise it’s kind of like using organic and ethically grown foods or created products that still come in plastic. I’m not interested in putting permanent hair dyes that have chemicals in them on my scalp or down the drain and into the soil and waterways. That only adds to the imbalance.
To me, going grey is natural and normal. It’s an acceptance of my own beauty. There’s a sense of freedom when not succumbing to my own pressures or anyone else’s. And it takes courage to do this in the modern world, a world where we have become afraid of growing old.
But why do we continue to resist?
We’re all here to have our own experiences at different stages of our lives. And I’m grateful that I’m not denying my age. In fact, I was both thrilled and relieved when I turned 40.
Yet too many of us still push ourselves to do and strive for more, stressing ourselves out in our quest to stay on top of the so-called game and remain youthful. That in itself can cause ill-health and premature grey hairs. Instead, where is the joy and appreciation for where we are at?
I know of some people who use crayons, chalks and sticks to touch up their grey roots every few days and/or put chemical-laden dyes through their hair every four to six weeks. Again, it’s a personal choice, but it also seems to create an anxiety and a somewhat unhealthy and expensive cycle, let alone a challenging one to break.
Is it worth it?
While going grey is different for everybody, it can also be empowering.
Most of all, greying gracefully comes down to how you feel about yourself.
Strangely, I was kind of disappointed when I had my first long white hair yanked from my head by a fellow student when we were doing VCE. We were sitting outside on the steps, talking, when suddenly she said, aghast, “Oh no, you’re far too young to have a grey hair. That has to go immediately.”
For starters, I didn’t even know I had a grey hair at the age of 17. (It was out of sight, being towards the back of my head.) Plus, I never got to see it properly after it was plucked. It drifted away on the breeze. And it didn’t grow back again.
I’ve always loved being brunette and have been fortunate to have some wonderful and considerate hairdressers who listen to and respect my needs. The one thing we have always agreed on is that I’m greying gracefully.
I’m also grateful that the people closest to me love that I’m taking this approach. Sometimes others can feel insulted or wounded by other people’s comments, especially from partners, family members, friends or children, when they say things like, “Your grey hair makes you look old.”
There is no shame in going grey. Nor is it about letting yourself go.
As I’m only at the early stages, who knows what or how it will unfold.
What I do know is that every day, like life itself, my hair colour will constantly change.
Right now, I’m greying with grace and curiosity. I’m honouring myself.
How do you feel about greying gracefully?
By Kristin Lee
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