Cervix. It’s not a word that usually comes up in everyday conversation. But why, even in adulthood, is it still difficult to talk about?
If you want to get right down to it, the cervix is a natural part of the female reproductive system. More specifically, it’s the neck that connects the uterus and vagina, or yoni as I like to call her overall, the Sanskrit name that roughly translates as sacred temple or source of life.
So when you start hearing words like Pap smear, cervix and pre-cancerous cells, well, that’s a conversational mix that a lot of women tend to get anxious about and avoid.
It’s scary when confronted with anything that remotely relates to the C-word.
That’s why I think it’s time to get comfy with our cervix, let alone anything else that relates to our sexuality and pelvic region, and start releasing, as healthily as we can, any shame, guilt or taboo surrounding it.
Instead, we start talking about our cervixes with more love, compassion and conscious awareness. Because when we do that, we start to embrace the essence of ourselves. We allow ourselves to feel more connected, more empowered and become more supportive of each other. We start cervical healing.
Wake-up Call
Why do I want to get the cervix out there? Let’s just say that oncologist gynaecologist was never part of my vocabulary until I turned 40.
A couple of months before I even knew I was seeing one, I was feeling fab about this new, wiser decade. Single at the time with no children, yet having amassed lots of life experience and with many wonderful plans ahead (including having children), a reminder from my GP came in the mail one week after my 40th.
I was overdue — by about seven years — for a Pap test.
Four weeks later, I was visiting my GP, and as calmly as I could, breathing deeply into my lower belly to centre myself. None of my Pap tests had ever been uncomfy — thanks to a considerate and gentle doctor and me being present to the process — and fortunately had always come back clear.
I felt fine and figured this checkup would come back with similar results. But the look on my doctor’s face as she took the blood-soaked sample told me a different story.
Image by Kristin Lee.
Next Stop: Oncologist Gynaecologist
What?
Why did I leave it so long? I figured my ultra-healthy-cum-holistic approach to life, from everything natural and/or organic that I consumed, to yoga, meditation and the as toxin-free as can be environment I lived in, had me covered.
Plus, I’ve always been aware there are two sides to having the cells of your cervix gently scraped.
On the one hand, it’s been well-reported that it’s helped detect any abnormalities early and reduced women’s cervical cancer in Australia by half since the National Cervical Screening Program began in 1991. On the other hand, and not so widely known, having too regular Pap smears, like going yearly, could potentially lead to abnormalities occurring down the track.
For women who test negative to any abnormalities in Australia, the recommended review period is every two years. That said, changes to the process occur as of May 2017, which means routine tests will be taken every five years.
It’s a delicate balance, but it’s also important to be self-aware.
The lead up to my appointment was a time of bewilderment, yet still attempting to tell myself that everything was okay. There was zero history of cervical cancer in my family and no evidence of HPV (human papillomavirus infection).
Apparently, many women have biopsies and medical procedures to have pre-cancerous cells removed. For me, and like some others, I’d rather not go down the surgical route.
If there is a way to heal something holistically, from nutrition and environment, to mental thought processes and emotions, I’m all in. It takes acceptance, patience, clearing want no longer serves you, particularly mentally, emotionally and energetically, and wholehearted belief.
When it came to the appointment, it was explained how the colposcopy (including a large microscope-like instrument) worked.
A few biopsies later, I had to wait two weeks for the results. They were 90 per cent confident it wasn’t cancer but, like my GP, wanted to be sure.
When the results returned, I was told it was a moderate to high cervical dysplasia — a CIN 2/CIN 3. In other words, pre-cancerous cells on the surface of the cervix.
Given the stage it was at, I was medically advised it can’t naturally regress (unlike a mild CIN 1 that has the possibility of clearing on its own), but it’s possible that over a much longer period of time that it could progress to the deeper layers.
“No rush, but how about the following week for a LLETZ (Large Loop Excision of the Transformative Zone)? It will be a day surgery.”
My head was spinning.
“If it’s not urgent, why next week? What about three to six months?”
Their reply: “Why, are you going somewhere?”
Image by Kristin Lee.
Natural Alternatives
I asked every natural or alternative therapist that I trusted and knew of at the time and read online about a few people who had reversed cervical dysplasia with non-surgical means. Unfortunately, my Australian contacts didn’t know anyone who had cured themselves naturally.
Sure, I ate cleaner and greener, ditched soy milk, changed supplement doses, took herbs, and balanced my hormones as best I could. I also did more meditation, yoga and breathwork (pranayama), healing visualisations, walked and sweated (my lymphatics had previously been loaded with EBV, hence why I possibly had changes to the cells). But three short weeks before the scheduled surgery wasn’t sufficient.
Image by Kristin Lee.
Post-Surgery
Despite not wanting to go down the surgical path, partly out of fear and also due to my inner knowing, it was done.
Before fully coming around from the anaesthetic, my face was wet. As I slowly opened my eyes, blinking, tears continued streaking my face.
A piece of my femininity was missing. Gone.
For the next six weeks I wallowed in anger and sorrow.
I was traumatised from the cervix out.
Learning to Love Me and My Cervix
I’ve had to learn, really learn, to love, accept and nurture myself and my cervix to a healthier and more radiant way of being. Over the past couple of years this has been through a lot of personal development work. This has included tantric yoga, with an emphasis on working on the lower chakras and aligning the upper and lower ones to get back to my true essence, meditation, deep breathwork (pranayama), mindfulness and the support of a fabulous naturopath, Amanda Haberecht, who is proficient in natural nutrition and reproductive health.
I clearly remember activating my cervix one day through an asana (posture). She wept with relief.
Ladies, whether you’re a mama, soul companion, sister, nanna, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, auntie, niece, lover or someone’s bestie, we need to get in tune with our cervixes.
Yes, we need our checkups. But overall, we need to be more conscious in our approach to them and have healthier conversations, whether it’s in daily life or when we have something like a Pap test, biopsy, or surgical procedure — should it get to that stage and you choose that path.
The cervix is a deep, potent source of emotion; an exquisite source of wisdom. She’s an area of creativity, insight and receiving, and not just in a sexual way. Sure, she can be deliciously orgasmic, but if the cervix has experienced any distress, whether sexually, through childbirth or medical procedures, she becomes traumatised and shuts down.
I now know that my cervix is my high priestess. She is my bliss.
Love you, love her. She needs more nurturing than you might think.
Image by Kristin Lee.
Ladies, how do you feel about your cervix?
*As I write this, despite an inconclusive result with my first Pap test since getting the all clear from my oncologist gynaecologist, I’ve had a follow up test and currently waiting on the results. I just keep embracing her, me and those I love more and more.
*Additional update: as of April 2016, I am happy to say that I am healthy, whole and complete.
Read part two of this blog post at “Tuning in to Your Cervix with Conscious Awareness”.
By Kristin Lee
Please note: this post is my personal opinion. If needed, appropriate health and/or medical advice should be sought.
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‘time to get comfy with our cervix’ … love it, & fabulously wise blog♥
Thanks, Ona. Yes, lots more to the cervix than we think.