Leaving Things on a Good Note

Sometimes we have friendships, relationships or associations that simply run their course. For some, it’s an amicable parting of the ways. For others, it involves emotions running high, gets messy and doesn’t always end on a good note.

Like most of us, I’ve had a few friendships and relationships come and go. Regardless of how they ended, the one constant from me is that I simply say thank you to them for the experience or, more importantly, what they specifically brought to my life.

My intention is to have an authentic, honest and personalised approach and to wish them the absolute best. Some have been pleasantly surprised and responded in kind; others never to be heard from again.

For me, it’s not about having any expectations as to whether they respond or not. It really comes down to being grateful. At the same time, it’s not about condoning disrespectful behaviour from others.

So here are some ways I have left friendships, relationships or associations on a good note:

Au Revoir to Former Partners & Extended Family

In the case of a former partner, it hurts deeply when you realise that your journey together has ended. And you have to deal with those emotions the best and healthiest way you can, as well as give yourself time to heal. But that’s my point; it’s how you deal with them. Will you be more conscious in your approach? Or will the heartache, hurt, resentment, guilt, rejection, anger, fear, or whatever you may be feeling, undermine you every time you think of your ex?  

Despite the heart-wrenching disappointment I’ve felt when a long-term personal relationship didn’t work out, not only did I thank that person for our time together, I sincerely wished them well in life. But what I also did was thank their family and close friends (some remain friends to this day) for sharing special or significant celebrations, like Christmas, birthdays, engagements, weddings, christenings, as well as many meals together.

My way of thanking extended family and friends was with a handwritten card. It wasn’t a text message, email or social media chat, but something simple and more personalised. Basically, it was a heartfelt thank you from me to them, acknowledging what they did for me at the time and how much I appreciated them for it. 

For me, this helps to truly let go. It helps alleviate any loneliness, gaps or cracks I might be feeling at the time. It’s saying farewell and all the best to one and keeping the door open for other likeminded people to come into my life when they are meant to. So rather than dwell on the negative, I express the gratitude to move on as best I can.

At the same time, this isn’t about pretending that you’re not hurting, nor is it about seeking favouritism, possibly hoping that you will get back in another’s good books, or even holding out that you might get back together. It’s a genuine, gracious letting go. Maybe ask yourself, “Where do my intentions lie?” before writing, saying or expressing a heartfelt thank you.

Bon Voyage to Friendships

As many know, leaving things on a good note isn’t just about former partners or lovers. Often those valued long-term friendships can be just as painful when they come to an end.

While I am incredibly blessed to have some truly wonderful, beautiful, amazing long-term friendships, this is something I encountered not too long ago. Despite being aware and accepting that we were on completely different journeys, I still felt immensely disappointed. Again, we can’t be responsible for how others react, but we can be for the way we do.

After digging deep and being really honest with myself that the friendship had come to an end, I sent a handwritten card and specifically acknowledged what I truly appreciated, loved and valued about that person.

A heartfelt thank you. Image by Kristin Lee.

Thank You But No Thank You — Date With Dignity

If a date isn’t going well, or you’re not into them, be honest but nice with your sentiment. Say thank you for the time you’ve shared and something simple along the lines of “this is isn’t for me” and wish them the very best.

There have been times where I have dated a man, and while they are totally lovely, if I knew I wasn’t interested in taking it further, I would be honest with them. It doesn’t need to be longwinded and complicated, just kind, simple and honest.

Yet so many people still seem to find this hard when presented with this situation. In their view, they don’t want to hurt or disappoint them, or they think if they stop calling they’ll get the hint they’re not interested. Of course they will. But is this really the best way of going about it? Is it showing the most considerate and honest version of yourself?

Although they will inevitably be disappointed when you do tell them, in the end, they will also appreciate it. Think about it: how would you like to be treated if you were in that situation?

In fact, some of my former dates chose to remain friends with me regardless of whether they were romantically interested in me or vice versa. If we both feel that we would like to stay as mutual friends, then I am open to that. But I never push or expect it. Again, it comes down to the individual, your intention and your approach.

All the Very Best to Colleagues

Having worked in a mix of industries, I’ve certainly met a wide range of people and personalities. Overall, my experiences have been positive. But if there are situations where there is disharmony, acknowledge it and always say thank you to them for their time and insight.

And if you’re not fully in alignment with a new or existing client, be it integrity, values or whatever it may be, refer them to someone who might be suitable and wish them the very best.

Remember, a simple yet heartfelt thank you can leave more of an impression than you think. It’s more about wishing someone well and finding the good in goodbye. Because, as I’ve come to realise, there’s always a better way.

I’d love to know how you like to leave things on a good note. Better yet, share your favourite quote about leaving things on the best note possible.

Here’s mine: “Remember me and smile, for it’s better to forget than to remember me and cry.” — Dr Seuss.

By Kristin Lee

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